The Power of Loss
by Alaythassa
Summary: Post-CoE. Jack/fem!Ianto After losing his lover and sacrificing his grandson, Jack is left broken. When another tragic information surfaces, he completely loses it. Will his daughter and his team be able to save him? Why are hordes of aliens suddenly targeting Cardiff? And who is the one behind all this? Mentions of character death
1. Prologue

Pairing: Jack/fem!Ianto

Disclaimer: Torchwood doesn't belong to me or else Ianto wouldn't have died in CoE and there would be more awesome Torchwood/Doctor Who adventures!

Okay, boys and girls! Welcome to my fanfiction. This is my very first Torchwood fanfic and the one I intend to write untill the end. I hope you enjoy it just as much as I do.

This fanfiction takes place _after _CoE. I first wanted to write a fix-it, but then this idea came to my mind. I mean, what would have happened if Ianto had been female? The idea wouldn't go out of my head so here it is for you!

I want to mention that in my fic, Owen and Tosh are not dead. Owen made it out of the reactor before the door closed and Tosh was found in time so that her wound was not fatal. Don't like, don't read.

I want to apologize for every mistake you might find. I don't really have a beta-reader yet and English is not my mothertongue. I try to write as good as I can, but if you find anything: Keep it, it's yours :D

Also, if there is any unlogical thing happening in here, just tell me. I'm not a fan of such things and will make sure to fix them ASAP.

Enough of my stupid talk. Have fun with this fic :D

Alaythassa

* * *

_"I love you!"_

These words would forever haunt him, no matter how long he was going to live. He could see her, every fiber of her being tense from pain as he held her in his arms.

_"Don't forget me!"_

Oh, how could he forget her? The first woman in his whole life that _understood_ him. That comforted him when he died, rather then seing him as some sort of evil creature. The first woman he _loved._

Why couldn't he say it? Why couldn't he form the words she yearned to hear in her final seconds? He didn't know. He cried for her, when her face lay still, her body going slack. A tear fell on her slightly parted lips and the 456 spoke.

_"You will die and tomorrow your people will deliver the children."_

He felt the pain with every breath he took. He knew he was going to die, but unlike her, he was cursed to wake up again, to wake up to an empty world. His heartbeat slowed down, he knew he had just seconds left. He wanted to kiss her, to feel her lips on his one last time before he closed his eyes and entered a short oblivion. Leaning forward, he gently laid his lips on hers, taking in her fading taste. Her lips were dry but oh so sweet, her mouth parted. He could still smell the coffee they had shared this morning, could still feel a little bit of life in her lips. He wanted this moment to last forever, but knew that wasn't going to happen.

Then death came, and his world succumbed to darkness.

* * *

The past day had been all but a catastrophe for him. Jack sat on the bench, trying not to cry yet again. He saw his daughter, Alice, standing at the swing doors. She looked at him, accusation and hatred written all over her face. He knew she would never forgive him for what he did, and one part of him was entirely grateful of that. He didn't know if he could ever forgive himself.

Jack's fist clenched and he breathed out deeply. His very soul was raw with the pain of loss and guilt. He had lost two very important persons in the span of just two days. First Ianto, now Stephen. Would he ever get over with it? Would the pain ever stop? He didn't know. All he knew was that the everything in his life was so ... _meaningless_ now. What was he supposed to do?

"Jack, you here?", a sad voice asked and Jack looked at the other pair of swing doors at his left. Alice just stood there and watched a small Japanese woman approach.

"Tosh? What are you doing here?", Jack's voice was thick with tears, "You're supposed to be in Cardiff."

"I know ... I ...", Tosh stopped in front of him and Jack stood. Her eyes were already red from crying yet more tears streamed down her delicate features. "Oh Jack, we just got the message. Is she ... is Ianto really ...?"

He looked away from her, unable to keep the pain from his voice. "Yes, she's dead."

"Oh my god, Jack", she hugged him and his chin rested on her shoulder. He didn't want to cry yet again but a few tears escaped his eyes. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry."

"She died in my arms", he whispered hoarsely. "She just went with me to be supportive and I ... I couldn't save her! She died in my arms for godssake and I couldn't save her!" He didn't know what to do, didn't know what to think anymore. "And I am ... what am I now? I'm no better than those aliens! I sacrificed my grandson to save the world! I sacrificed a poor child that didn't even get to live. How can I call myself human anymore?!"

He wept, clinging to Tosh for dear life. She cried to, but he felt that she held something back from him.

Alice took a few steps forward and watched her father back away from the small woman and grabbing her arms. "Tosh, what is it? What are you not telling me?!" Tosh choked, struggling against his firm grip. He instantly let go and she lent heavily against the opposite wall.

"Do you remember ...", her voice cracked slightly. "Do you remember how Owen made us have a medical check-up after the Hub exploded, just to make sure everything was alright?"

"Yes", Jack whispered. "He made a lot of examinations and took blood, standard procedure at Torchwood."

Alice, the other female in the hallway, suddenly knew what the Japanese was going to say. She gasped.

"What about it Tosh? Did he find something?"

"Yes, he did", Tosh struggled, taking in a deep breath, fresh tears welling up in her eyes.

_"Jack ... Ianto was pregnant."_

* * *

So what do you think? Constructive critisism is much appreciated :D


	2. Afterwards

Hello guys, I'm back!

First I want to thank everyone that reviewed my story! Thank you for your support :D

Yes, it was intentional that you are in tears right now! I love to hurt my characters and in Torchwood there are so many possibilities to do so :D But don't worry, I also happen to hate sad endings and like fluffy little happy endings and happily ever after stories. Yeah, I'm mad, I know :D And proud of it!

If there are any questions, feel free to ask me. I will try to bring in as much background information as needed. With Ianto being a woman in this story, a few canon things changed and they will eventually appear in this story as flashbacks.

I will also do a few games halfway in the story, to see who will be the first one to guess the antagonist!

Yeah, there will be a major antagonist in this story who is pulling all the strings in the background. Lots of things are going to happen in the next few chapters which will all eventually lead to the big revelation.

Alright, I think I already told you too much :D Enjoy reading the first Chapter of "The Power of Loss"

Alaythassa

* * *

[**Chapter 01 – Afterwards**]

_Rain._

That was the first impression the team had of Cardiff when they returned from London. It was raining so much that the streets were muddy, the water splashing loudly as the SUV drove through the streets. Left and right were people running, trying to get out of the bad weather as soon as possible.

Jack sat in the back of the car, his eyes hollow. After the message that Ianto – _his _beautiful smart Ianto – had been pregnant, he had brocken down, fainting for the first time in his long life. It had taken Alice and Tosh both to get him into the SUV the Japanese had driven all the way from Cardiff and they task hadn't been very easy. Jack's body had gone rigid and he whimpered, tears streaming down his face even though he was unconcious. His behaviour didn't stop even when they got Rhys and Gwen and made their way towards Wales.

"Is he okay back there, Tosh?", Gwen asked when they were driving towards the hotel the team would reside in. Tosh sat in the back of the SUV with Alice and Jack, whom she now gave a concerned look.

"Still in shock", she muttered sadly. "It somehow seems like his mind has shut down and he's running on auto-pilot, but I can't say anything for sure before Owen gives him a check-up. I just hope he's going to be okay again." She tried to blink away the tears yet again, miserably failing. "Oh god, I'm going to miss Ianto so much!"

"We all are", Gwen said sadly. "I know I haven't been the best teammate for her and I have to admit, I often was jealous because of her relationship with Jack", she squeezed Rhys hand reasurringly. "But in the last few months, we had the opportunity to talk a few times. Mostly about Jack. It kind of gave me a new perspective about her, about them both and I was finally able to accept their relationship and get my hero-crush out of the way." She gulped heavily, trying not to cry while she concentrated on driving. "I hope that, where ever she is right now, she's at peace."

Alice stared at the readhead, then at the technician and finally at her father. She sighed deeply, deciding to keep her thoughts about that matter to herself. She didn't know this Ianto person, but she must have made a great impact on her father if he was taking her death so badly. She understood him, but she was also still furious at him for sacreficing her son to defeat those bloody aliens.

A slight shriek interupted her thoughts and she noticed they had stopped in front of a tall glass building near Cardiff Bay. On a sign stood the name of it: _St David's Hotel & Spa. _Alice knew about this place because she had looked it up online once when she was bored and the idea of visiting her father in Cardiff popped up. She had dismissed that one later, but thought about having a vacation once in this beautiful hotel. It had master suites, conference rooms for buisness meetings, a sauna, an indoor pool with windows overlooking the bay, good internet access and high ratings from serious tourist parties. But what were they doing here? Was this hotel the base of Torchwood?

"Is this the base of the famous Torchwood Three?", she couldn't contain her snide remark. "I did think you would care much more about security."

"This is not our base", Tosh said as she got out of the car. With Rhys help, she got Jack out too who was able to stand on his own two feet when supported. "Our base was blown up shortly before the aliens arrived here. This guy, Frobisher, wanted to take out every one who was there in 1965 when the 456 contacted us the first time. He didn't want them to reveal their evil deeds, so to speak. So his goons somehow implanted Jack with a bomb and he was in the Hub when it exploded. It was a mere miracle that we others made it out alive." Tosh smiled ruefully when she thought about all the artifacts that were now buried beneath the Plass. "We will reside in this hotel only temporarily. Thankfully, someone was thoughtful enough to put a hidden file in the mainframes of all the bigger hotels here in the city. Probably-", she chocked. "Anyway, Owen and I have been staying here ever since the Hub was blown up. It's really nice." She started walking, dragging Jack along with her. "Go to the front desk and tell them you need a room booked under the name Myfanwy. They will understand immediately. Afterwards, get a shower and meet us in the conference room on the top floor in thirty. We have a lot to discuss and even more to talk about." With that, she entered the hotel completely, leaving Alice behind. Gwen had gone off to park the car, so she was left all alone.

_**What should I do?**_, she asked herself. **_Should I just run away, pretend this never happened and start somewhere new? No, I know I couldn't do it, not after everything that happened. I want to get answers from Dad, how he could have done what he did and if he really considered everything else. What if there would have been a possibility to preserve Stephen from dying? _**

_**If I ever find out that he could have done something else to save the damn planet besides sacreficing my child, I will make him regret the day he was born!**_

With determination radiating of every fiber of her being, Alice made her way to the receptionist. She stated the name Myfanwy just as Tosh had told her and was handed a keycard and a map of the hotel. As she went up to her room, she thought about the day ahead of her and groaned in advantage. This was going to be stressful!

* * *

The door was thrown open just as Owen was disinfecting his medical supplies. Jack, with the help of Tosh and Rhys, stumbled into the room and held onto his two teammates for dear life. He was finally gaining a little bit of concious back, but had yet to fully recover from the shock. Owen gave him a once over and sighed dramatically.

"Once upon a time, you will really get yourself killed", he mumbled under his breath. "Get him on the table. Untill we have new headquarters, we have to take what we can get." He started putting aside the supplies he needed for his check up and was once again thankful that he had taken the most important scanners with him before he left the Hub. There was the Metabolism Scanner from the sixtysecond century they had found only weeks prior to the explosion, the Blood Reader who was able to find any abnormality in a person's blood and the Bekaran deep-tissue scanner which was even more efficient than x-ray. Of course there were others, but these were the only one's Owen had managed to grab before he made the run.

Jack was finally on the table, staring at the ceiling but not really seeing it. He was still in shock, but the life was finally creeping back into him and the memories made it so much worse to be alive. He just wanted to crawl into his bed and not come out before the next millenium.

Owen started his examination. He was working thoroughly, scribbling things down every so often in his notebook. When Gwen came into the room and sat down beside Rhys, watching, he was already half finished with his check-up. He checked Jack's reflexes and tried to talk to him, but didn't get an answer out of his boss.

Behind him, Tosh sighed suddenly, rubbing her eyes. She was exhausted emotionally, but she really needed to decode the file she had found in the mainframe two days ago. Unfortunately, it required a password, and because of Ianto changing her password so often, she didn't even know what to try.

"Any idea about the password of this damned file?", she asked, not expecting an answer. She sighed again. "Brilliant, just brilliant. I may be good with computers, but I can't crack this simple little password. Someone made sure that no one but us read this file."

"What did you try?", Gwen asked, wanting to do something. Tosh sighed again.

"I tried everything. Rhea Silva, Torchwood, Lisa Hallet, Jack Harkness, Cariad, even Myfanwy! I can't think of anything else. I know her last password was Caerdydd, but that's it. And I don't have the equipment here to hack into the file."

Silence fell upon them once more, neither of them knowing what to say. Thus they all jumped when Alice threw the door open, her hair still damp from a shower. She strode towards the large glass front, overlooking the bay.

"Is he alright?", she asked suddenly, her eyes finding the Plass where she could barely see a huge crate.

"He will be, once we feed him something and he gets a good times sleep", Owen stated, finally done with the check-up. "In fact, all of you look like shit. It would probably be better if we delay our meeting untill all of you have had a good rest."

"I don't feel like sleeping right now", Alice muttered darkly.

"Me too", everyone jumped when Jack sat up on the table and looked like he might vomit at any time. "We first have to discuss a few things before I can even attempt to close my eyes ever again."

"And about what?", Alice snarled, turning to her father. "What should we talk about? The weather, perhaps? Or why you bloody asshole decided to use _my child _for your vicious plan?"

"We will talk about that ... eventually", Jack's knuckles had gone white, he was grabing the table so hard. "Now we have to talk how Torchwood is supposed to recover from this, how we are going to make sure to continue watching over the Rift and how we get a new base." He gulped, on the verge of tears. "Now that I- ... t-that she's gone we have to take into consideration to ... h-hire more people to assist us." He was trying so hard not to break up, failing miserably. He sobbed, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down again.

"Tosh", he said after a few moments. "If it is any help, take this." He took a small book out of his pockets and stood up, slightly swaying when he made his way to her table. He laid the book down in front of her and sat down on a random chair. "It's I-...", he still wasn't able to use her name. "It's her diary. Perhaps you can aquire her password by reading the last few pages. I'm sure she would have ... would have wanted to give a hint some way or another."

Tosh nodded, watching her boss break apart in front of her. He buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Tears sneaked through his fingers, falling on his tighs, his shoulders shacking from his sobs. He made a small noise in the back of his throat and Tosh suddenly knew what it was: a song of loss. She gulped, took the diary and opened it.

The page she set her eyes on was a drawing, a beautiful one.

She hadn't known that Ianto was able to draw this good, but she had been good at everything she did, so it didn't really surprise her. A small smile threatened to overtake her feature when she looked at the drawing of Jack smiling the most handsome smile she'd ever seen. Obviously, Ianto had loved it very much for her to draw it in this perfection into her diary. The entry read five days ago, so shortly after the Hub had exploded. She had probably drawn it on her way to London.

The next page showed an image of Gwen and Rhys, sitting on a raggy sofa and holding each other. Tosh didn't know that you could catch affection within a drawing, but Ianto had somehow managed to do just that. You could clearly see it in the couple's eyes and Tosh made a mental note to show them the drawing later.

The next was of Jack, sleeping peacefully on a bed, content of the world. Then followed a little text. Ianto wrote about her desire to return to Cardiff, to have sex with Jack again – at this point, Tosh couldn't help but blush – and about her insecurity about her "big revelation" to Jack. So she had known that she was pregnant and still went into Thames House? Tosh shook her head sadly.

"Found something?", Gwen asked. The technician shook her head again.

"Not yet."

"Keep going", Jack chocked out. "I'm sure she ... left us a hint." He went back to singing about his loss with this otherworldly noise.

When Tosh turned the next page, her heart stopped beating for a while. The date indicated that this drawing was indeed a few days older than the others, despite it coming after the last entry. Ianto had probably drawn it on a random page and then left it like that.

It showed a girl, flowing in some kind of dark space. Through the use of light and shadow Ianto had used, she could see that the girl's hair was a light colour, that her eyes were glowing and that some kind of energy was flowing around her. Beneath the drawing was a short sentence: _Peidiwch ag anghofio __Blaidd Drwg!* _and a short poem: _Thee do not understand much/thus stopping to evolve/untill words change**. _She knew instantly what to do.

"Rhys, Gwen?", the couple turned to her. "Come here, you have to translate something for me."

"What?", Rhys strode to her, Gwen behind him. They went behind Tosh and looked over her shoulder. "Wow, she sure could draw."

"Yeah", Tosh said quietly. "I really think that Ianto wanted us to find this. She wrote this little sentence here in Welsh and even made up a riddle to prevent someone else from accidently getting the hint. It was easy enough, but even if someone else had found the diary, they wouldn't have known what the sentence means. And I'm sure that not even if they could translate it, it would make any sense." She pointed at the sentence. "What does this mean."

"Sorry, not that good in Welsh even though I was born here", Gwen held up her hands and shrugged. "Rhys ...?"

"Let me take a look at it", he looked at the sentence and you could probably see the translation happening. Owen looked up from cleaning his supplies yet again, Alice turned towards him and even Jack stopped the keening noise for a while, ending the song. He wiped his tears away and looked expectingly at Gwen's husband. "Ah, that one's easy, although I don't really get it."

"What does it mean?"

"_P__eidiwch ag anghofio __Blaidd Drwg _means 'Do not forget the Bad Wolf', whatever that means."

Jack went rigid as soon as the last two words left Rhys' mouth.

"Bad Wolf?", he croaked, his voice hoarse from crying. "Are you absolutely sure it says that?"

"Yeah. Blaidd Drwg means Bad Wolf. There's even a power station that's named after it."

"Oh right", a memory surfaced from Jack's mind. So many lifetimes ago ... "I remember." He sighed deeply. "But I don't get how she could have known about her."

"Her?", Tosh asked and turned the picture around so Jack could have a look at it. He jumped, his stool falling down as he grasped the drawing with both hands.

"No, this is not possible", he whispered. "How could she have known how she looked like?"

"How who looked like?", Owen asked. Jack showed him the drawing.

"This is the Bad Wolf", he stated. "From what the Doctor told me when I went with him, she's the one who brought me back in order to safe my life. But she couldn't control the power and brought me back permanently. That's why I can't die."

The team was mildly shocked to hear their leader talk so much about his past. They always wondered how he had gotten immortal in the first place and now they knew the answer.

"Okay, what to do with Bad Wolf", Tosh ran a hand through her hair, suddenly stopping. Her eyes went wide. "That's it", she screamed with joy and typed the words in as a possible password. Acces was granted and she squealed. "Oh my god, we're in!"

The whole team suddenly gathered behind Tosh, even Alice, and looked at the screen. A single file popped open, revealing a short video. It started automatically.

_**"Hey", **_Ianto appeared, her short hair damp from a shower. **_"I guess when you see this video it means I'm dead. Don't worry, I'm not afraid of dying, ever since Canary Wharf. I saw death more as a way out. All the people that were converted ... it was probably the only thing you could do to put them out of their misery. Well, at this point I wasn't willing to accept that as the solution, so I tried to safe Lisa. But you all know I failed miserably. I really have to thank you for not throwing me out for this." _**She coughed lightly, smiling as bright as the day. Everyone had tears in their eyes, even Alice cried a little. _**"Tosh, oh my beautiful little Tosh. Don't worry too much about the future. Try to live in the now and make the best out of it. As soon as Owen get's his head out of his ass, I'm sure you can tell him what you feel." **_Tosh sobbed, laughing slightly.

_**"Gwen. At first, I really couldn't stand you, you know that? Undressing my man in front of me with your eyes while ignoring me completely ... I was pretty jealous back then. But don't worry, I got over that eventually. When I saw how much you cared for Rhys when he helped us with the giant whale ... I felt at ease and let it go. I hope you treasure the love you share with him for as long as you both live." **_Gwen choked, turning to Rhys who hugged her tightly, crying into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I hurt you so much, Ianto", she whispered and Rhys rubbed her back comfortingly.

_**"Owen. Man, what is there to say about you. I really couldn't stand your attidude when I first met you. You were rude and egoistical, a real bastard to almost everyone. I thought that I could never stand you, even how much I tried to warm up to you. Guess what? I was wrong. I now that beneath your deep shell lies a man who really cares for his friends, who takes care of them when they are hurt. I know you are still hurting, but you have to talk to the team, to let it all out. Trust me, you will heal from your pain and love once again. I experienced it, too." **_Owen bit his lip, trying not to cry too hard. His shoulders were shaking slightly and he wiped his eyes.

"Bloody moron", he said, his voice betraying his words. Everyone knew how deep he cared.

_**"Jack"**_, Jack sobbed. Ianto had tears in her eyes as well. **_"I am really grateful to have met you, to have known you. I didn't think that after Lisa, I would be able to fall as hard for someone as I fell for you. In the last two years, you have been my rock, the one who kept me on the ground when I was about to sink into self-loathing. You helped me to get over Lisa, over everything I've done wrong in my life. I'm sorry that I betrayed you all like this, but you made me see that it was okay. We all make mistakes out of love and you made me realize these words are true. And you know what? I fell in love with you when I first saw you. Fighting the Weevil, catching Myfanwy ... I fell in love with you again that night. God, I fell in love with you so many times, I lost count. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and I knew you were afraid of this concept, that you still are. I'm sorry I left you like I did, but I'm always going to treasure those few moments we had together, however short they are. I want to thank you for bringing the light into my life again, Jack Harkness. I want to thank you for being yourself around me. I want to thank you for your trust. I want to thank you for your kindness, for your tenderness, for your caring. And I want to tell you that I love you like I've never loved anyone else in my entire life." _**

Jack couldn't take it anymore. He grabed the screen on both sides and shouted: "And I loved – no, _love_ you, Jones, Ianto Jones, ever since the first day we met! I'm sorry I couldn't tell you when you died. I was so afraid, so terrified about losing you, and when it happened ... I fleed. I'm sorry", his voice broke, thick with tears. Ianto smiled at him, a knowing look on her face.

_**"I forgive you, Jack. I knew you were afraid, but I saw it in every motion, felt it every time we made love. I know you loved me and that alone was enough. I knew it when you came back to us, to me, after you ran off with the Doctor. I knew it when you grined at me, when you looked at me, when you touched me. I knew it.**_

_**Jack, I love you. Keep this in your heart and promise me something."**_

"Anything, Ianto, anything."

_**"Live for me, Jack. I know it will take your heart some time to fully heal, but eventually you will be able to live your life again. And when you're ready, promise me to live, Jack."**_

"I will", Jack choked. "But it hurts, it hurts so much!"

_**"I know Jack, I know, but please ... try for me, alright?"**_

Jack gulped but nodded slowly. "I will try, Ianto, I promise."

Ianto smiled, a few tears escaping her eyes. She smiled such a beautiful smile that it took Jack's breath away. _**"Take care of the team for me, Jack. Take care of Torchwood. And most importantly, take care of you!" **_She clanced into the camera one last time, then the video ended.

The whole team was crying now, trying to comfort each other. Jack lent against the wall, again burying his face in his hands. He made the sound, slowly singing in his mothertongue about the love he just lost, about his heart that died with her ... and about his promise to try and heal. If he would ever be succesful to recover, he wasn't sure, but he promised Ianto that he would, at least, try.

However hard it would be.

* * *

* If this is wrong, don't look at me :D I'm not Welsh and blame google :D

** Made this one up. To lazy to look for something fitting :D

* * *

I hope you liked this chapter :D I certainly do :D

And I hope your at the verge of tears now again muaharhar

Alright, that was crazy o.O

Again, constructive critique is highly appreaciated. But normal comments aren't too bad, either ;D

Alaythassa


	3. Hart

Hey guys, I'm back!

I'm sorry for not updating. I had a serious writer's block and suddenly didn't know what I wanted to write anymore. But now I've got over it and here you go.

Thanks to **tstul006 **and **Mrs. Kitsune **for reviewing and to everyone else for following this story. You don't know how happy this makes me.

Alright, here you go.

* * *

[Chapter 02 – Hart]

Coping.

The word alone was enough to send shivers down Jack's spine. He didn't want to see, listen and foremost speak this word for a very long time. He wasn't even sure if he ever could.

Ianto had been his life. He had never loved a person as much as her before, and he had had his fair share of lovers in his long life. But never ever had a person been as understanding, as calming and as sweet as his Ianto.

Why? Why did he have to take her to the meeting? Why didn't he go to Thames House alone? Why did he threaten those aliens?

Why?

Ianto...

She was gone ...

_**I promised you I would try, but I'm not so sure anymore ...**_

He sat on his hotel bed. The window was partially opened and fresh night air drifted into the room. The curtains moved slightly in the breeze, the lights of the city throwing their moves as shadows on the walls. Cardiff ... was alive.

But Ianto was not.

_**How are things ever going to be okay?**_

_**How can things just keep going like this?**_

_**How ... ?**_

That night, he wasn't able to sleep at all.

* * *

"Are you sure he is going to be alright?", Gwen asked, a mug of hot cocoa in her hands. She sat in the conference room with Tosh, spilling her concern about her boss. "He didn't look like it."

"I know", Tosh rubbed her eyes. Everything had been too much today, for either of them. "But we ought to give him some time. I mean, he only lost Ianto a few days ago. He isn't going to cope with that in that short amount of time. He has to grief and eventually move on."

"But it certainly won't be that easy", Gwen sighed. "I mean ... we all saw how devastated he was when Estelle died and he hadn't been with her in decades. Now Ianto's gone too ...", she broke off. Tosh rubbed her eyes some more.

"I'm sorry, but can we talk about something else? It's just ... it's so hard to talk about her right now."

"I understand. It's hard for me, too."

"Good", Tosh took her own mug of hot cocoa and sipped. "We will soon have to get in touch with the Queen. Despite Torchwoods recent ... losses", she swallowed hard saying it, "We have a duty to maintain. The Rift is still active and doesn't care about our social lives."

"You know, that's the only thing I hate about the job. Although we did have the equipment, I still felt like I wasn't ready to head out and save the day."

"Or night."

"Or night", Gwen's lips twitched, but she didn't actually smile. Silence followed. They sat in the room for a long time untill either of them spoke again.

"I'm going to miss her so much", Tosh finally sobbed quietly. "The coffee, her snarky remarks to Owen, the kindness she showed to me, her organizational talent, her eidetic memory that helped us so much in certain cases and ... how she was able to comfort Jack without words. How she was able to make him _happy._" Gwen put her mug on the table, stood up and sat down next to the Technician again.

"I'm going to miss her too", she said, hugging Tosh who promptly cried into her shoulder. "I'm going to miss her too."

* * *

The call came far too early in the morning. Jack laid on his bed staring at the ceiling when his ringtone blared through the silence. He sighed, rubbing his tear stained face and took the call.

"Harkness", he said, trying to maintain a bussiness-like voice.

"Good morning, Mr. Harkness", a warm voice said. Jack sat up a bit straighter.

"Your Majesty", his voice but a mere whisper. "I am truly sorry that I did not call you as soon as I could, but-"

"It is alright, Mr. Harkness. I know that you have been occupied otherwise in the last days. I saw the list from Thames House." He stiffened. "I dare say that the demise of Miss Jones was a great loss for Torchwood, for the Crown and especially for you. I am truly sorry, Jack. She was a good girl."

"Th- Thank you, Your Majesty, for your condolence. I rather appreciate it."

"No need to be so formal at a time like this."

"I am sorry, Your Majesty", he breathed in deeply, trying to keep the tears at bay. "I think formality is the last thing to keep me mentally stable at this point."

"I understand", she gave him a few seconds to regain his composure. "I do have to talk to you about the future of Torchwood Three, _no, _about the future of Torchwood. Since we lost Torchwood One in London and Torchwood Four in Belfast, Torchwood Three was the last operating Torchwood branch with satisfactory success. Torchwood India shall be shut down in two months and Torchwood Two is due a well considered reconstruction. This means, without further notice, I declare you, Mr. Harkness, Head of Torchwood as a whole."

"I ...", he didn't know what to say. "I ... I don't really think I would do any good as Head of Torchwood after all that happened in the last few days."

"I understand", the Queen said again. "Because of this, I shall give you a few months to rebuild the base of Torchwood Three and to get you to know your new responsibilities as Head of Torchwood. I know that the first days will be hard for you as you just lost your lover and your grandson, but I am sure you will be able to fulfill your duty to the Crown in no time."

"But I-"

"Mr. Harkness. I am terribly sorry to put you through this, but let me tell you this", he almost heard her warm smile for him through the telephone. "I'd rather have you as Head of Torchwood in your current condition than some unknown man or woman assigned from UNIT who knows nothing about all the sacrifices Torchwood and the Crown had to make in recent years to keep the world safe from extraterrestrial threats. I'd rather have you because you know communication could solve a problem far sooner than violence. That is why I assign you as Head of Torchwood, Mr. Harkness."

"I-", he swallowed thickly, taking in the meaning of her words. If he had been in her position, he'd have done the same. "Thank you, Your Majesty. You honor me with this position."

"Thank you, Mr. Harkness, for keeping the world save." There were a few moments of silence before the Queen spoke again. "You shall send me a list of possible future locations of Torchwood Three in Cardiff. After the bombing, Roald Dhal Plass will be most likely off limits. You shall also sent me a list people you deem worthy to join Torchwood. Your small branch may be strong, but it will be even stronger if there are a few more hands to help."

"Of course, Your Majesty."

"I shall send you the codes for Torchwood One warehouses all over the United Kingdom where you can gather materials for your new base. Please inform me about any missing utensils and I will see to it immediately. If there are any further improvements to make, you have my number."

He chuckled weakly at her joke. "Thank you, Your Majesty."

"I shall repeat myself: Thank you, Mr. Harkness, for saving the world so many times. I hope you will continue to do so in the future and keep Cardiff and the world safe."

"I will. Goodbye, Your Majesty."

"Goodbye, Mr. Harkness."

The line went dead and Jack sighed deeply. As much as he was buzzing with exitement about the way Torchwood was going to take in the future, he felt shallow thinking about the heavy prize they had to pay to earn it. Eleven children, Clem Michaels, Harriet Jones, Stephen Carter, Ianto Jones, their unborn child ...

He was close to tears again, but he blinked them away stubbornly. He had cried so much for his lost love already, he would at least try to live with the loss, as much as this would hurt. And hurt it did.

* * *

When Jack went down to have breakfast with his team it was well past 9. The others were sitting around an oval table at the far end of the great dining hall, each of them already holding a cup of coffee in their hands. Jack slowed down and let his gaze sweep across his team's faces.

Tosh and Owen where sitting closer together than normally, stealing soft glances when they thought nobody was watching. Tosh's eyes were red and puffy, but she looked freshly showered and ready to start the day. Owen didn't look any better, but he was clearly trying to keep normality upright. Gwen and Rhys were sitting close together as well, with Gwen leaning her head against Rhys' shoulder while he stroked her tigh softly. Only Alice was alone.

The Immortal wanted nothing more than to try and comfort his daughter, but he knew that everything he had to say would fall on deaf ears. She blamed him for the death of her son, her only child, and the fact that he was her father wasn't going to make things any better. Quite the opposite, actually. She had always wanted to have a normal life for herself and her son and he was clearly not allowed to take part in it. He was anything but normal, so she shut him out. Now she had even more reasons to turn her back on him and he couldn't blame her. In fact, it would be a long time before he could stop blaming himself.

He took the seat opposite of Alice, with Gwen and Rhys on his left and Tosh and Owen on his right side. He looked at each one of them again before he started to speak.

"I got a call from the Queen this morning."

Alice gasped, but the team just nodded, well, expect for Rhys who looked dumbstruck.

"She says that we have to put a list of possible future locations to rebuild Torchwood Three together. Roald Dhal Plass is off limits. We would in fact be lucky if they let us dig for our equipment in all that ruble", he gently stroked the bridge of his nose. The tiredness he felt deep in his bones was slowly crawling up his whole body. "She also told me she would send us codes with which we would have access to the warehouses of Torchwood One."

Now Tosh gasped. "You mean we will be able to get our hands on their equipment?"

"Yes. Try to contain yourself, alright?" Tosh nodded, smiling slightly but sadly.

"She also assigned me Head of Torchwood", at this, Owen snorted slightly, but managed to keep himself in check just in time before Jack would have murdered him. "With Torchwood One gone, Torchwood Four still missing and Torchwood Two being only Archie, we are now officialy the main branch of Torchwood. That means there will be a lot of responsibilities we have to partake and a whole new level of professionalism we have to achieve. We have to be an example for possible future branches of Torchwood and maintain our rightful place in the United Kingdom."

"That will be hard, but it should work out fine in the end", Tosh assured him. "You are a good leader and while I'm not always agreeing with your methods, I'm sure you will be able to do the job. Congrats."

"Yeah, congrats", the rest of the team murmured less enthusiastically.

After a short silence, Jack continued. "She also told me to send a list of people I deem worthy to be future employees of Torchwood. We may be strong, but given the recent-", he didn't finish the sentence. "We would even be stronger and provide safety for this city and for the world if we wouldn't work ourselves into exhaustion."

"Do you already have some people in mind?", Tosh asked, placing her PDA in front of her expectantly. Jack's heart ached when she reminded him of Ianto.

"I already have some people in mind", Jack's gaze wandered to Rhys. "If they are willing to be part of Torchwood after everything that happened."

Rhys coughed. "Well, thanks Jack for the offer, but ... I have to seriously think about it. I really would want to be part of Torchwood, if only to see Gwen a bit more often these days, but ... but Thames House was a rather hard slap of reality. I'm...", he ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm just not so sure if I can do this."

"I understand", Jack said sighing. "Tosh, please note down that Rhys is considering it. As for other people, there would be Martha Smith-Jones, Mickey Smith-Jones and PC Andy Davidson. I'm not so sure about Martha and her husband, but PC Davidson will most likely take the job."

"I will contact Martha as soon as I can", Tosh smiled, taking fast notes. "Anyone else you have in mind?"

"Well ... there is this one woman that has been in life-threatening conditions before and kept her cool. She's smart, snarky and, of course, former companion to the Doctor."

"Oh", Gwen remembered her. "You mean Donna ... Noble, I think it was. Didn't she accidentaly become half-Human half-Timelord?"

"Yes", Jack nodded. "That's why the Doctor had to take away her memory from her experiences with him. She suffered from a so-called Timelord Metacrisis. Her normal human DNA merged with Timelord DNA and her human side wasn't able to handly it. If we could find a way to get her better, she would be a great access to Torchwood."

"But how do you think we can get her better?", Owen asked. "I've never heard about something like this before. Hell, I can't even imagine it."

"I hope we will find something in the warehouses of Torchwood One. Perhaps we're lucky for once."

"Alright", Owen nodded his head slightly. "If we are able to find a cure for her state, we can give it a shot, but not before I've examined every nook and cranny. Got it?"

"As you wish, Owen", Jack smirked weakly. "Other than that, I can't really come up with more people. I will probably look into some UNIT files-"

"I want to be in", someone suddenly said. All eyes focused on her.

"Alice?", Jack's smirk vanished from his face and a look of pure horror replaced it. "Wh-What are you talking about?"

"I want to be in", Alice repeated firmly, crossing her arms over her chest. "I want to see what is so important to you that you did the things you did. I want to be able to ... _understand _what made you do them. I want to join Torchwood."

"But Alice-"

"It isn't I have anything else in my life left", she spat. "You took care of that, didn't you?"

"I've had no choice", Jack said weakly, tears threatening to fall yet again. "Do you think I wanted to sacrifice my grandson, the one I loved although he never really got to know who I was? Do you think me such a heartless creature, Alice?!"

"... Yes, I do", she gazed at him with hatred evident in her eyes. "I think you are. You're talking about reestablishing Torchwood and recruiting new people only a few days after one of your most trusted members died! That makes it sound like people are expendable for you! If one person dies, you just go hire another! You don't really care about them!"

"Alice, that's not true!", Jack sprung up so fast the chair cluttered to the ground. "I loved Ianto with all my heart! Do you think I want to think about the future of Torchwood right now?! No, I don't! If I could do as I wanted, I would crawl under some rock to never come out again! Do you know how much it hurts that I lost her?! If I could _I would immediately convert into a Cyberman just for those feelings to go away_!"

Everyone on the table was speechless. They had never expected Jack to say something like this, especially after what happened to Lisa. To have him say something like this ... they all shuddered.

No one spoke for a long time. Jack sat down again, his hands covering his face again. He uttered no sound, but they all saw his shoulders shaking. A few tears slipped through his fingers and landed on his tigh.

"I'm sorry", Alice whispered. Despite her own heartache and the negative feelings she harboured for her father, she felt truly sorry to have said this. "I didn't think ... I didn't want ... I'm sorry." She drank her coffee, holding the cup with shaking fingers. "I'm still so hurt and I have all these emotions pent up inside of me. I just ... something snapped. I'm sorry."

Jack wiped his tears away and exhaled a long breath. "It's alright."

"No it isn't", she stood up from her place and moved to her father. The others were standing up as well but to leave the table, to give them some privacy. As soon as the last of the team left, Alice sat down next to Jack and embraced him shyly. "I shouldn't have said this to you. I'm sorry. I know that you wanted to save the world and that you needed a child to do so. I also know that if there had been any other child, you would have taken this one instead of my son."

"I'm sorry", Jack chocked out. "I didn't want to take him, but I've had no choice. I didn't want it to be Stephen, but ..." He broke off, burying his face in his daughter's shoulder. Alice hand found her way in his hair and she stroked his scalp slowly. She felt his tears wetting her shirt, but she didn't care. "I know you won't be able to forgive me and I don't want to be forgiven for such a cruel task, but ... I need you, Alice. You're the only family that I have left. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, too."

"I know, Dad", she smiled slightly although tears were streaming down her checks as well. "I will never forgive you for what you did and some small part of me will probably hate you for the rest of my life, but ... we don't really had enough time to bond as father and daughter, and I really have to say that I miss that."

"Alice..."

"I want to work with you, Dad, just to have some time to get to know you. I know that I will most likely say cruel things to you, but know that I don't mean them. I ... ", she swallowed. "I love you, Dad."

"Oh Alice", he practically threw himself at her and she had problems staying in her chair. "I love you too, my sweet angel."

* * *

After the episode in the dining hall, Jack went up to his room to shower. Meanwhile, the team returned and eyed Alice wearily. Alice just smiled slightly.

"Don't worry", she said as they sat down on their former seats. "I may never forgive him, but I know that he is still my father and that he needs help. I will try to be civil and perhaps ... we will have something akin to a normal father-daughter relationship."

"That's the problem", Owen snorted. "You two are Harkness's. You don't do normal."

Alice chuckled. She stood up slowly. "I'm going to get us new coffee. Anything else?"

When everyone shook their heads no, Alice made her way over to the bar. She was halfway through the room when she ran into someone. She yelped in surprise and fell down, only to be saved by a pair of hands.

"Easy there, sweetie. Don't want to trash that pretty face of yours."

Alice felt a blush creep on her face. She looked up, only to see a blonde man with brown eyes and dressed as ... a cowboy?

"I'm sorry", she scrambled to her feet. "I didn't see you."

"Don't worry", he grinned at her flirtingly. "If you hadn't, I would've found a way for you to notice me."

"Erm, alright", she tried to compose herself. "You can let go now."

"Oh sweetie, you hurt me. Am I really that uninteresting?"

"Yes – I mean, no ... erm-"

"Would you like to come back to my room?", he suddenly stood behind her, murmuring the words into her ear. "I could show you just how 'interesting' I am."

"Erm ..."

"I would really appreciate it if you let her go now, John", a voice snarled behind them. Alice turned surprised.

"Oh, Jack, where is the fun in that? First you won't let me take a good look at Eye Candy and now you want me to let go of this sweetie already in my arms?"

"This sweetie happens to be my daughter", Jack sai icily. "Alice Carter, meet Captain John Hart."

"Oh please, as if I would believe something like-", he looked at Alice once, then to Jack, then back to Alice again. His face fell. "Oh my, she's really your daughter! That means a threesome is out of order, then!"

Alice froze, and with as much force as she could muster, punched the offending men in the face. He immediately let her go and stroked his check softly.

"That hurt", he whined loudly. Alice already saw several people turn their direction to see what caused the disturbance. "Alright, now I'm completely sure she's your daughter. She's got your mean right hook."

"Haha", Jack said without humor. "What are you doing here, John?"

"Is it a crime to see if your old partner is alright after his headquarters were bombed all the way to Mars?"

"Perhaps."

"Oh, you hurt my heart."

"Do you even have one? I wonder that, sometimes..."

"I do have one, but if you want to see it, you have to go to my room with me and-"

"Enough. Why are you really here?"

"Didn't I tell you already? I wanted to make sure you're healthy, safe and sound, whatever it's called these days. Can I not worry about you anymore, _partner_?"

"You know I can handle myself", Jack swept over to them and took Alice's hand into his. "Let's go." They went back to the table, John following them. When the team noticed him, they were shocked.

"Oh my god", Owen's head dropped onto the table. "And here I thought, no prayed, that I would never see this man ever again."

"Harsh words, handsome", John giggled like a school girl and sat down next to Tosh. Alice and Jack sat at their respective places.

"Handsome?"

"Oh absolutely", John looked him over and winked. Owen went pale.

"He did not just call me that, did he?"

"Doesn't get much compliments, that one?"

Owen wanted to answer, but one look at Jack made him shut up again. He looked murderously.

"For the last time, John, what are you really doing here?"

"You know what?", John said grinning, ignoring his former partner. "I could really use some coffee. Where's Eye Candy? I would murder for one of hers, literally."

Jack tensed just like everyone else.

"What, did I say something funny there?"

"John", Jack spoke, his voice hoarse. He was on the verge of crying again, just like that. "Ianto's dead."

"What?", John asked. "You're kidding me. You must be. She can't be dead."

"But she is", Jack tried his best to keep it together in front of John. Alice stroked his arm slightly, which helped a lot. "She died in my arms three days ago."

"No", John sook his head. "That's just ... I saw ...", he shut up suddenly.

"What did you see?"

"Nothing."

"John, answer me, now!"

"Alright, alright", John held up his hands in defense. "Man, you sure have developed a serious temper."

"John, if you don't tell me right now, I swear to the Goddess-"

"I thought I saw her on my way here", John let out a sigh. "She was going through the ruble at your old headquarters. I didn't think anything about it untill now."

Jack slumped back into his chair, shocked. "You ... saw her?"

"I think I did", John said. "But I could be mistaken. I have been a little bit ... off, lately."

"Are you drinking again?"

"Yes, but that's not it", he sighed again, looking lost. "I really do have a slight problem right now."

"What is it?"

"Well ...", he looked at Jack, helplessness clearly in his eyes. Jack had never seen him so out of it before. "Someone stole my Vortex Manipulator."

Chapter 02 - End

* * *

So, that's the end of Chapter 02. Oh, I'm terrible, am I not? I just love cliffhangers ... when I'm doing them myself :D

I'm in desperate need of a beta reader. I have serious doubts in my ability to write English fanfiction and I just need someone to reasure me that I'm doing good :D Someone who's not my sister :DDD

And I seriously don't know how the Queen would talk. I'm sorry if I offended anyone with that ^^"

Reviews would be awesome.

Alaythassa


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